THE CHALLENGE OF SINGLENESS
                            

What is singleness ?

That question can provoke a wide variety of answers
depending on who it is addressed to:

For the young person longing to find a partner; It may
mean the state of solitude and being without someone to
love and share their life with. It is viewed as an
undesirable state to be in.

For the separated or divorced person; It may mean time
alone again and “breathing space” to make one’s own
decisions and a way out of the suffering and pain caused
by a difficult marriage

For the widow or widower; it may mean the loss of
companionship and the feeling of emptiness with no one to
act as comforter

For the monk, nun, missionary or other worker in
Christian service; it may mean putting aside the security
and desire for the marriage bond in order to dedicate
oneself completely to Christ.

As can be seen, the question has given rise to a wide
variety of answers, some negative and some positive. It
is my intention to explore this issue and see how the
Christian can derive fulfilment from the single state,
whether it be voluntary as in the case of the monk or
involuntary as in the case of the widow.

Firstly we start with the facts:

1, The Facts of Singleness

Statistics indicate that more and more people have single
status within our society. Estimates vary between 25 and
40 % in the western world and of those well over half
have never married. The recent trend for couples to “live
together” either before marriage or permanently and the
upward trend in the median age for marriage indicate just
how more common
singleness has become.

As society has changed and men and women have had to
reassess their roles in the modern world, so their
perceptions of singleness as being little more than the
state before marriage have also been revised. The
seemingly inexorable rise in the divorce rate (some 40 %
of first marriages in the UK alone will fail) has also
contributed to this change in view. It is these and other
changes that present the church with a challenge to
relate to singles today.


2, The Biblical Perspective

The bible is full of single and by no means  presents a
negative picture of the single state. The first adult
single person was Adam, of course. Even then, God saw
that as a single person he needed someone to relate to
and so he sent a Woman (Eve) to act as his partner.
An important point is brought out in this verse: as human
beings, we all have an intrinsic desire for a
relationship with other. This may include the marital
state but in some cases it may not. The essential point
is that human beings have to relate to no another.  The
poet John Donne expressed this by saying “No man is an
Island, entire of itself”.

To back up this view, the bible gives us many examples of
those working for God whilst single:

Elijah, who was a bold prophet and servant of God
Naomi, who showed great faith as a widow
Hagar, who as a single mother was cared for by God
Paul, who dedicated his life to bringing the gospel to
others.

Indeed Paul writes very positively about singles in 1
Corinthians 7 v7, the essential point being that the gift
of God may or not be for a person to marry. God in his
wisdom decides and works in our hearts. The whole chapter
gives us a positive assessment of the single state. In
Verse 35 of this chapter Paul indicates that the single
can make the best use of his state by seeing that he or
she may be able to spent more of their time focusing on
Christian devotion since they have fewer distractions.

Jesus himself is the supreme example of a single person.
He gives us too a positive view in Matthew 19 V11-12 of
getting the most from being single. As single people, we
may well have fewer responsibilities than a married
person and this should enable us to reassess the way we
live our Christian lives.


3, The challenge of Singleness

So having explored the single state from the biblical
perspective we must now grapple with the challenge of
singleness.

Firstly singleness should never be seen as a sin or as a
violation of God’s will for an individual. The positive
value of singleness may lie in the development of
character. As in Hebrews 12, it might also be a form of
discipline that the believer needs to accept. As
Christians, we have the knowledge that his will is best
for us and being single or not does not affect our
standing in Christ.

Secondly, the single person may at some point have to
grapple with feelings of loneliness that may arise. Here
too, we see a challenge to us as individuals to put
ourselves completely in God’s hands. Feelings of
loneliness may often be a call to us to reassess our
level of commitment to God and draw near to him (Hebrews
10 v22) and by sharing fellowship with others, we can
find fulfilment (Hebrews 10 v24).

One other issue that needs to be grappled with is the
question of sexuality. It is often felt that the single
person may have problems accepting the state in view of
the pressures put upon them by society. This is also a
challenge for the church, particularly in view of the
liberalisation of sexual attitudes. Reassurance from
others and warnings of the dangers of improper
relationships need to be carried out, and for those who
had already had problems in this area, love must be
shown. In essence the single person needs to be given the
comfort that God has laid down a pattern for their life .
Proverbs 6 gives us ample warning of the dangers of the
flesh but also encourages us to value God’s teaching.

4, Conclusion

We have seen in this short discussion just how positive
singleness can be viewed. Whether voluntary or
involuntary, the greatest challenge is for us as
Christian people, to follow the example of Jesus himself.
As a single person, Jesus himself experienced feelings of
loneliness (Matthew 26 v40), but even in this hour Jesus
himself recognised the necessity of remaining in his
fathers will (Matthew 26 v39). May it be for us, whether
single or married, that we too come to a place where we
are trusting in God and asking him to guide us. For his
will and judgement are always the best.


Iain Emberson

22 October 1995